Sunday, December 19, 2010

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends.

I finally managed to crank out my term paper, and I somehow lived through all of my exams, and I am so proud to say that I have survived my first semester of college.  Now, I'm on Christmas break at last, and there are so many things that I want to do.  I can definitely feel the Christmas cheer spreading through my veins--I spent a day at school watching White Christmas and eating Christmas cookies with the fabulous girls on my hall before I went home for the break, and this afternoon, my sister and I pretended we were elves as we wrapped presents for my parents at our kitchen table.  Then, this evening, I went out to dinner with some of my favorite people from high school who I've missed terribly.  The food was wonderful of course (how can you top authentic Lebanese food from Nicola's and delicious nutella and banana crepes from Cafe Intermezzo for dessert?), thus further ruining my attempts to eat in moderation as I attempt to lessen the blow that the infamous Freshman Fifteen has taken on me.  But what I had hoped would be an evening of good times and old memories, I was left feeling like I have nothing left in common with the people that I was inseparable from this time last year.  So inevitably, I started thinking about change, and I was left wondering if it was me who had changed or if it was my friends.  Certainly college is the place to find out who you really are, but is it really normal for someone to completely give up who they fundamentally are?  I'm lucky in that I've known for a while what my hopes and expectations and dreams for the future are.  If anything, I think that I am just a better version of myself than I was in high school.  Flannery O'Connor once said that "accepting oneself does not preclude an attempt to become better," and I try to live by this everyday.  If I don't love myself, how can I expect anyone else to love me in return?  I'm always on the path to knowing who I am, and I love the adventures I have every day as a result.

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