Tuesday, November 16, 2010

YouTube.

I have always been fascinated by the YouTube world.  The prospect of everyday people like myself broadcasting themselves for other people to see, well, that makes me excited.  It allows the regular Joe Blow’s and Susie Q’s of the world to obtain their own sense of, as my STAC class would say, aura.  I first stepped into the unknown realm of YouTube years and years ago, and by watching other people display their talent so openly, I wondered to what extent I could exhibit my own work.  With the indirect prodding of my guitar teacher, I wound up on YouTube a couple months ago, playing covers of songs that I had previously learned on guitar.  Initially, I put up videos purely in the interest of said teacher because of his inexorable request to hear me sing, but eventually, I began to gain a small (emphasis on small, haha) following of viewers who encouraged me to keep singing, despite my self-conscious belief that my voice is no incredible gift. 

Now, as the weeks have gone by, I have realized that if there is anyone that I make these videos for, it is myself.  Playing guitar has always been an other-worldly activity for me, but now, I am just beginning to realize how big a part music plays in my life.  Putting a video up on YouTube every few weeks has become an undeniably satisfying activity, and I am slowly proving to myself that it is okay to expose myself in such a way.  I have always been uneasy about how vulnerable I am, and perhaps I am slightly less meek on YouTube just because I don’t really know who any of my viewers are.  In the scheme of things though, these unknown people mean the world to me.  But this is also probably why I have never told anybody openly that I have a YouTube channel—I’m too scared of the personal rejection that I might receive because I, as much as I hate to say it, am extremely sensitive of what other people think of me.  Only two people know that I am on YouTube, and I wonder how long I am going to keep it that way.  I might say that they would find out from this blog, but nobody I know is aware that I am writing this either.  This blog is also, in a way, just for me.  Call it a journal if you will, but this blog is where I most find myself writing down the stray thoughts that pass through my mind, and writing helps me to cope with the stress that I have been experiencing in my life right now.

But, by all means, if there is a mysterious unknown person out there who is reading this right now, then let me know.  I would love to talk to you.

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