Friday, November 26, 2010

I Count My Blessings.

I’m thankful for: a family that loves me despite everything I’ve fucked up, a cat that will still purr in my ear after I’ve spent an hour crying on it, a warm bed to unload on after a long day, my faith, God, my guitar, self-discovery, Christmas lights, hot tea, friends who don’t care how much I laugh and how much I cry, random acts of kindness, YouTube comments, hard work paying off, Mae, Platonic love, long walks, letters, books that allow me to get lost in their pages, ice cream, purity rings, smiles, the hope that one day reality will be better than my dreams, you, me, us.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

YouTube.

I have always been fascinated by the YouTube world.  The prospect of everyday people like myself broadcasting themselves for other people to see, well, that makes me excited.  It allows the regular Joe Blow’s and Susie Q’s of the world to obtain their own sense of, as my STAC class would say, aura.  I first stepped into the unknown realm of YouTube years and years ago, and by watching other people display their talent so openly, I wondered to what extent I could exhibit my own work.  With the indirect prodding of my guitar teacher, I wound up on YouTube a couple months ago, playing covers of songs that I had previously learned on guitar.  Initially, I put up videos purely in the interest of said teacher because of his inexorable request to hear me sing, but eventually, I began to gain a small (emphasis on small, haha) following of viewers who encouraged me to keep singing, despite my self-conscious belief that my voice is no incredible gift. 

Now, as the weeks have gone by, I have realized that if there is anyone that I make these videos for, it is myself.  Playing guitar has always been an other-worldly activity for me, but now, I am just beginning to realize how big a part music plays in my life.  Putting a video up on YouTube every few weeks has become an undeniably satisfying activity, and I am slowly proving to myself that it is okay to expose myself in such a way.  I have always been uneasy about how vulnerable I am, and perhaps I am slightly less meek on YouTube just because I don’t really know who any of my viewers are.  In the scheme of things though, these unknown people mean the world to me.  But this is also probably why I have never told anybody openly that I have a YouTube channel—I’m too scared of the personal rejection that I might receive because I, as much as I hate to say it, am extremely sensitive of what other people think of me.  Only two people know that I am on YouTube, and I wonder how long I am going to keep it that way.  I might say that they would find out from this blog, but nobody I know is aware that I am writing this either.  This blog is also, in a way, just for me.  Call it a journal if you will, but this blog is where I most find myself writing down the stray thoughts that pass through my mind, and writing helps me to cope with the stress that I have been experiencing in my life right now.

But, by all means, if there is a mysterious unknown person out there who is reading this right now, then let me know.  I would love to talk to you.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Weekend Activities.

Life is what I make it, so here are some of the weekend’s more spectacular moments.  And yes, I consider Friday to be the weekend too :)

Friday:
Drinking hot tea on the way to 8 AM calculus.
Laughing my head off in said calculus class because Dr. Trotter is the funniest professor I have ever had.
Being done with classes by 10.
Taking a three hour nap.
Making sausage, egg, cheese, and potato burritos for dinner with my sister.
Going to the basketball game with a bunch of girls on my hall.
Watching A Very Potter Musical.
Making it to the end of the week :)

Saturday:
Sleeping in.
Walking to Atlantic Station with friends.
Celebrating my birthday in November, three months after the fact.
Eating a delicious dinner, followed by a delicious trip to the candy shop.

Sunday:
Waking up early to go to mass.
Eating breakfast with two awesome girls on my hall.
Finding time to read some Jack Kerouac.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Love.

Life is an ultimate swelling of the heart so that just when you think everything’s about to burst, it expands.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Falling.

I went home this weekend for my dad’s birthday, and while I was sitting in my room, looking out my window and waiting for inspiration to hit me, I noticed that all the leaves on the trees went straight from green to brown this Autumn, completely skipping all the lovely yellows, reds, and oranges that always make me associate Fall as my favorite season.  I can’t help but call this a strange metaphor for my life right now because, let’s face it, the end of October sucked.  I would like to think that November will be distinctly singular and different, but I’m still sitting here, waiting for that revelation.

Friday, November 5, 2010

51 Simple Pleasures

There have been a lot of great teachers in my life, and while I couldn't possibly start to name them all, there is one standout man who I credit as helping me to form who I am today as a person.  In the second term of my senior year of high school, I took his Prayer and Meditation class, and I couldn't possibly start to describe how much that class changed my perception on life.  In the months since then, I made it a personal goal of mine to take greater notice of the smaller things in my life that bring me happiness, and while this list certainly is not limited to 51 things, this number somehow made the most sense to me at the time.  This list grows and changes everyday, but I think the bottom line is that I focus on my own personal happiness.  Maybe this makes me a romantic, but I'd rather be epically romantic than a cynic.

  1. breaking in a new box of crayons
  2. starting a new journal (and re-reading the old ones)
  3. hand-written letters
  4. Keats, Yeats, and Eliot
  5. pressed flowers
  6. guitar callouses
  7. singing in the shower
  8. blowing a dandelion
  9. blogs
  10. thin mint girl scout cookies
  11. getting lost in a novel
  12. Caribbean Way
    smoothies from Smoothie King
  13. seeing the glass half full
  14. old photos
  15. slow dancing
  16. smiling at a stranger
  17. free samples at Alon’s
  18. hearing your favorite song on the radio
  19. family recipes
  20. window shopping
  21. receiving (and giving) a genuine compliment
  22. the smell of the inside of a book
  23. foreign crucifixes
  24. laughing till you cry
  25. getting a haircut
  26. waking up and finding out that the cat slept on your bed the whole night
  27. anthropologie.com
  28. happy endings
  29. rain on a hot day
  30. popsicles
  31. rediscovering an old, favorite song
  32. Chick-fil-a
  33. Sharpie markers
  34. flossing
  35. hot showers
  36. Charlie Brown
  37. band-aids with pictures on them
  38. Buckhead Music
  39. waking up early
  40. sleeping in late
  41. road trips
  42. cameo rings
  43. the perfect cup of hot tea
  44. street musicians
  45. a bear hug
  46. Eskimo kisses
  47. hydrangeas
  48. Emmaus letters
  49. food cooked over an open fire
  50. saying thank you
  51. butterflies

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Hello.

There is so much hope that this one little word can provide.  It is the promise of a beginning and the opportunity to start anew because, let’s face it, everyone needs a second chance now and then.  Some of my favorite life moments have centered around such a seemingly meaningless word, and some of the best quotations focus on all the reasons why I love it:

“You say goodbye and I say hello.”

“The story of life is quicker than the blink of an eye, the story of love is hello, goodbye.”

“You had me at hello.”

And while I don’t consider myself to be the next Paul McCartney or Jimi Hendrix, I have always wanted to leave my own personal touch:

“Whoever said ‘the hardest part is saying goodbye’ lied.  The hardest part is waiting for the hello.”